A True and Unabridged Story

Well, today I got some bad news. At lunch my wife had a panic attack so I have to take her to the Doctor tomorrow. So I'm not going in to work tomorrow. So what that means is that there is going to be three uninterrupted days of the Monsters!

What is the Monsters campaign? Well, a bit of background. Cue Doctor Who TARDIS sound; Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It all started a while back, when I was on the phone. I've got a high pitched men's voice, so I've been called every slanderous synonym for gay that there is. But one day, I got called a new one.

Fairypants.

Man, that was classic. I almost couldn't keep myself from laughing. It was hilarious. Afterward, I got out the Savage Species book. Rolled me up a pixie named Twinkletoes Fairypants. I did it as a joke, but Po, one to take a joke to internet proportions, decided to take it to the next level. He had us all roll up monster characters. Fifteenth level monsters. A nice lead in to a high level campaign.

Due to the heavy plot line campaigns that we've been running lately, Po decided to go a little lighter. Total monster of the week. He comes up with stuff that is seemingly impossible, and we beat on it. The background is that Larlock the demilich fouled up his summons and a bunch of prime material monsters got summoned instead of the demons/devils he meant to summon. The purpose was to defeat the Tarrasque. Bum, bum, bum. So he introduced us to Monty Haul, the lich who controls the portal room. The portal room has a bunch of portals with different monsters behind them. We go through, find a baddie, and kick its ass.

So this is a lot of fun, and I'll try to get some updates from Po as this goes on. For we played today, and they'll play tomorrow when I take my wife to the doctor, and then again on Wednesday. So many many updates for the Monsters!

A tad more on Fairypants. His full name as of the end of today's session is Mayor Twinkletoes Fairypants, Dragon Slayer, Giant Bane, Slaad Slayer, Linnorm Perferator, Champion of Titiana. Background is that he is a Warrior Trickster of Titiana, and her choosen champion. He started as a pixie cobbler and part time fletcher as all pixies are. However, a young green dragon moved into his grove. He rose to the challenge and killed it. He then continued his schemes and dealing death to those who threatened his lifestyle. He is the most manly of pixies with purple eyes, neon green hair, and sparkly skin. When he started he was just a pixie with 10 levels of rogue fifteen total levels (5 pixie/10 rogue). Now he's technically a 23 level character (5 pixie, 10 rogue, 8 wizard) and the biggest badass in a group of badasses.

The Group: I'm not sure of the levels or the character names, which is what typically happens when you do monster of the week. It's all about the powers brought to the table. Or rather in our case, the pod.

Me: Twinkletoes Fairypants.
Tim: A cleric halfdragon werewolf.
Po: DM
Jim: Mindflayer wizard.
Megan: Fire Giant Barbarian.
Josh: Fire Elemental Barbarian.
Tom: Rakasha Sorceror.

What has happened before; In our last session, we fought a tetramorph, two balors, a celestial of some kind, some chaos beasts, and a Death Slaad. While I killed the Death Slaad by myself in two rounds (thus giving myself the Slaad Slaughterer title), the tetramorph proved a worse foe. It ended up sending most of the group away. Josh had been absent last week, so he was back at the portal room. Jim, Tom, and Tim were transported to the Abyss. Megan and I defeated the thing and returned back to the portal room. Jim promptly used his plane shift innate ability to go back to the prime material plane, however lacking teleport spells or abilities, he has to walk back to Larlock's castle.

Today: So five days to kill and playing a fairy. Well, easy part was what I was doing with the days. I made Megan a pair of boots of limited flying, and a Huge Masterwork Mighty (+13) Composite Longbow, mainly because she's the only PC that listened to me. Which technically ate up the five days (two for the boots, and three for the non-magical bow). But to get some play time in, I managed to get teleported back to my character's hometown by Monty Haul.

TTFP went home to see his wife, a nymph who married him due to his shoemaking ability. Which is mainly because its funny. He's a manly pixie. Tooling around his hometown, the village mayor told him there was something out in the wilderness hurting the villagers. Since I had mentioned that I wanted a nice low level stomp, I wasn't prepared for what I meet with.

A grey linnorm. Which none of the rest of the group really understood what the problem was. They thought, 'Oh, dragonkin, take it out dragonslayer'. However, I think I put it succinctly when I told them that I had to fight Grendel's mother. Without backup, or proper preparation. Thing was practically created to give TTFP problems. Blindsight out to 120 feet negated my natural invisibility and any type of sneak attack. And its Protection from Arrows at will pretty much negated most of my ranged attacks.

However, I was able to beat it mainly due to keeping the hell away from it, and a timely use of Otto's Irresistible Dance. It took me 7 rounds. Which is impressive and a lot less then the 120 rounds that I had anticipated.

So I took the head off of it and that bit dragged back to the village. Since a nearby village had lost its elder, I put myself up as the elder, citing my age of 872 and the linnorm head as qualifications for the position. This was done for a reason, and that is because I had taken the leadership feat. Which is going to be instrumental in defeating the tarrasque.

Hopefully Po will send me an update either tonight or tommorrow on what has happened so far with the rest of the PCs. At the least Megan and Josh should be able to get something done tonight, and Jim, Tim, and Tom will be there tommorrow to do other things. Well, that's all for now.

As always, drop me a comment to let me know you've seen this.